On Sociology, Gender, and Self

I consider myself a feminist. Many times, confusion arises about what feminist means. The negative connotation is a male-bashing, bra-burning, hairy-legged, violent female. I explain my own perspective as wanting equality for men and women. Yes, I can get fierce in my arguments, and sometimes sound like I hate men or think women are superior. I think anyone who feels a situation is unjust develops a certain amount of anger, and I have learned that a lot of times, especially in discussion, if I am trying to compromise and another is trying to win, I will always lose. I mention all of this to preface my point. As we read about oppression, I find myself relating it to the situation of women. When we read about dominant groups and discrimination against different races, whether these texts talk about gender or not, I connect the argument to oppression of women.

While the content of this class is not cheery, some of the concepts are cathartic for me. I am sometimes frustrated with how “female” I am. I realize that this is a bit of a contradiction to my feminist tendencies. If I believe women and men are equal, why do I feel that I should be less like a woman/ girl/ female? I am sometimes self-conscious when I cry feeling as though my tears are validating every stereotype about women. I have been called emotional (actually I get that a lot) and I either get angry… emotional… or I try to suppress things I would otherwise express. It’s hard to look at the “place of women,” wanting to be a living contradiction to everything awful that people say, all the while knowing that I only have one lifetime and there are too many variations for one person to embody. Oddly enough, I take some comfort from what Keith Osajima writes about internalized racism. He writes that “The desire to resemble the oppressor, to imitate and follow him implies a degree of self-dissatisfaction among the oppressed a belief that perhaps it is better to be like ‘them’ because who we are is not good enough, or smart enough, or beautiful enough.” (Osajima 140 emphasis added). As I read this I thought, wait, I think like that! Here, Osajima is not talking about the experiences of women, he is talking about the effects of racism on the oppressed. Despite his topic specific address, his argument applies to many different kinds of oppression. I myself make a connection to the oppression of women. I can relate to the internalization that Osajima addresses.

I find Osajima’s discussion comforting because it validates things that I have felt and thought. If you give his argument has weight, then entire cultures feel the same way. This means that I feel at times uncomfortable to associate too much with all that is feminine, not because I am weak or emotional or too much like my “fairer sex,” but because oppresion has this kind of effect. Dominant culture sends the message that men are ideal while women are weak, emotional, in need of protection, dependant, and the list of derogatory associations goes on. I am living in a culture that sends the message that who I am is not okay, is lesser, and that gets to me; that hurts all people.